30 Thoughts I Had While Rewatching ‘Two Weeks Notice’

It’s officially warm enough in New York to make outdoor plans again, and yet—and yet!—I already find myself canceling to watch Netflix like the ungrateful wretch that I am. How can you blame me, when the streaming service is offering access to the classic 2002 rom-com Two Weeks Notice, starring a young-and-not-yet-creepy Hugh Grant and the always-delightful Sandra Bullock? (The film is also on Amazon.) I hadn’t seen this movie since middle school, when approximately 90% of it went over my head, and thoughts were had…let’s dive in, shall we?

The opening credits, which feature childhood photos of Grant and Bullock, already have me smiling. I’m an easy crowd, apparently.
Sandra Bullock and her friends (one of whom is the beauty-pageant winner from Miss Congeniality! Crossover!) are trying to stop workers from demolishing a beloved community center. Love the activist spirit, less of a fan of Bullock’s billowing “I’m a white lady on vacation in Thailand” printed pants.
God, Bullock is so annoying in this movie. I love her!
Bullock’s parents are strident, pain-in-the-ass lawyers, just like her. (They’re also extremely Jewish-coded, but nobody ever says they’re Jewish. I wonder if that was in an original draft of the script that got cut by movie execs?)
The wallpaper in Bullock’s tiny single-girl apartment is quite literally…yellow, and patterned. Charlotte Perkins Gilman is screaming!
Ah, the classic “thin woman orders so much Chinese food that the guy at the restaurant thinks it’s for multiple people” bit.
Grant is giving a speech about how he’s a totally great guy who donates money to children’s hospitals, even though his company, Wade, is clearly evil and soul-crushing. I have to say, in the post-Trump era, it’s harder to find a New York rich guy rakish and charming.
Apparently, Grant has a penchant for hiring lawyers who are too hot to be good at law stuff. Enter Bullock, who—for the imaginary purposes of this movie—is not hot, I guess? Grant learns she went to Harvard and is a general do-gooder, and immediately wants to snap her up, even though he knows she’s been fighting his company at every turn. I do not actually believe that anyone in corporate America would do this.
Man, Bullock is really obsessed with this community center! Grant tells her to come work for him, on the condition that he’ll preserve it. Suuuure.
Unfortunately, I am genuinely moved by a montage in which Bullock just…stares at the community center. She loves Brooklyn!
The legal stuff that Grant needs Bullock for includes choosing between different kinds of paper and testing out mattresses. Side note: How did he get away with playing the same powerful-yet-lovable schmuck for his entire career?
Damn it, Grant experimenting with different methods of crying for his divorce case—including “little machine-gun bursts of sobs”—still gets me.
Grant pays a vendor $100 for a hot dog, which…rocks, actually. This is what rich guys should be doing!
This is so rude, I can’t stand it: Bullock takes a call during her friends’ wedding ceremony. Girl, you’re a lawyer for a rich guy, not a heart surgeon! Put it on vibrate!
Furious at the interruption, Bullock quits, though Grant makes the good point that she chose to leave her phone on during the wedding.
Grant blocks Bullock from all the do-gooder legal jobs she wants, because he sucks, and we can’t forget that.
Now it’s time for Bullock to purposely do a bad job at work to bait Grant into firing her, which…is praxis. Grant caves, and two weeks’ notice goes into full effect. Movie title!
Grant and Bullock hang out on her parents’ roof, and he learns about her childhood. It’s sweet, TBH.
Ugh, I want to go to Rockaway Beach. Or Brighton Beach. Or Riis Beach. Or any Brooklyn beach. Summer, come already!
“Nobody ever wins or loses when it comes to women, You just talk about your feelings until all your breath is sucked out of your body,” Grant’s friend tells him. Offensive, but as a lesbian, I concur.
Bullock gets dumped by her fake-sounding do-gooder boyfriend (too real!), and she gets super-drunk on Grant’s boat, which is a move I fully endorse. She’s also in a hilarious yellow rain slicker. They kind of kiss, and then she passes out.
Bullock gets a new job at Legal Aid, but she still seems pissed that Grant replaces her with a charming (and beautiful!) new red-headed attorney, because she looooooves him. Bullock gets super-aggro with the new girl during a tennis game to deal with her feelings.
Okay, there’s an extended sequence where Bullock has to go to the bathroom on the drive home from tennis and they end up causing a major traffic jam, using a nice RV-driving family’s toilet, and then…helicoptering home? This scene hits different post-Occupy Wall Street!
Why is this helicopter flying so low?
Bullock shows up at a black-tie benefit looking absolutely beautiful, and Grant is clearly spellbound. They fight over his total waste of potential and her superiority complex, but it’s, like…a sexy fight. She shows up at his hotel later that night, but Redhead Attorney is there! Half-naked! Playing strip poker! Ugh, men.
Bullock and Redhead Attorney get into a legit fight over…a stapler? But really over a boy. Love to be a woman in the legal field!
Bullock takes her departure from Wade (and Grant!) pretty hard, not to mention Grant’s decision not to save the community center after all. You know this because she’s back on her too-much-Chinese-food bullshit once again.
Bullock’s nice, lefty dad gives her a pep talk about not giving up. I love him!
Grant shows up at Bullock’s Legal Aid office, gives her a big speech about how he loves her, and promises to save the community center after all. Middle-of-street kiss!
Okay, this is a pretty heartwarming ending: Bullock orders a ton of Chinese food, for two this time, while Grant walks around talking shit about her apartment. Death to Wall Street and all, but…they’re cute.

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